Moments

My first entry; how great. When I am not trying to write I have a million things in my head, but when I sit down to write my mind goes blank.

Laghtly I have felt tramendous amounts of confusion, well I always have confusion, but right now it seems like much more. I guess what it boils down to is that I just don’t know what to do with my life. With recently turning 21 I feel like I am going backwards. I don’t feel like I am older, I feel younger. I feel like I don’t act my age. At 21 someone sould have some kind of direction to where they are going.

Today was the last day of this school semester. I am glad that it is over for many reasons. First I really don’t think that I worked to my full potential in all of my classes. For example I started out with 4 classes, and I finished with only one class that has a passing grade. My biggest problem is PROCRASTINATION. I put everything off to the last minute. I am always saying to myself “oh, I will do it later.” I am not a very productive person. I think the reason for this is that I am sceard that I am going to fail so I would just rather not do whatever the task is.

Another reason I feel like I don’t do well in school is that i don’t have a direction. When there is not something to work hard, then why try hard?

Now it is the summer. I just want to be lazy. I don’t want to work. I just want to create, create, create.

I haven’t signed up for classes for next semester. Agen, I don’t know what I am going to take. Right now I want to take art classes. ? But then I think you have all of these elective classes it is going to take forever to get a degree. It is one big constant circle. I just want to sceam.

All I know right now is that I know what I don’t want to do. (I guess that is a start.)
I just want to take a passion, and live it.
The question is why can’t I do that?

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